You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
