Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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