it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
