At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
