he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
