So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
