We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
