I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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