i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize