my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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