remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize