she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
