508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
