# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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