It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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