I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
