Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
