great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
