I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
