My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
