R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
