What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
