Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.

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(940): View more from Texas

and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.

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(815): View more from Illinois

it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink

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(845): View more from New York

Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD

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(813): View more from Florida

That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station

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(626): View more from California

I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.

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(254): View more from Texas

What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...

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(856): View more from New Jersey

She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.

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