There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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