so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
