im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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