you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
