I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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