the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
