who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
