Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
