So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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