I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
