you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
