I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
