i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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