I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
