oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
