My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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