Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
BRING THE BAGELS
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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