nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
