he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize