Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
false alarm, still single
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