He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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