the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
