She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
