So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize