I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize