btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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