I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
