i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize