I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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