I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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