He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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