Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
