Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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