I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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