Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
