I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
