There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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