I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
