spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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