Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
