the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
