took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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